Fresh start

Starting over is a beautiful thing. There’s something about a blank canvas, a clean sheet of paper, an unblemished day that strikes me and makes me excited. I started off 2010 praying and seeking God for certain things in my life. And already, He’s calmed some waves, whispered hope and dropped some pearls into my heart:

-Bishop T.D. Jakes once said,

“We all get early glimpses of our divine place…purpose..destiny.”

I was in elementary school when I got mine. Every few weeks or so, we had vocabulary tests where we would have to use that week’s set of words in a sentence. I liked this test. I liked thinking of different ways to phrase the word, different situations in which to use the word.  Every time, my teacher would single me out and read my sentences aloud.She was very pleased and said that I made the words “come alive.”  I remember feeling self-conscious but also aware that maybe I had something special. 

One of the many fantastic things about God is that He made everyone with a particular fit. Those crunch numbers like potato chips may have been designed to help with financial matters. Others who have an eye for order and structure may blend in perfectly with administrative matters. 

I know I’m meant to write. This year, I plan to do more of it.  

-My earliest perception of love and marriage was a clearly defined one. At ten years old, I had decided that my husband would be black. He would be taller than me. He would be three years older than me, at the most. We would date for 2 years and then be married. We would only have two children, a boy and a girl. Then we would live happily ever after. 

Obviously, as I matured and grew older, my perception changed quite a bit. But I’m starting to realize that love, in all its forms, rarely has a static definition. This first month of 2010 is the most recent reminder of that. 

My little sister is in the infant stages of her first adult romance. She is effervescent and I hear bubbles of joy in her speech whenever she mentions her friend/beau. But in true big sister fashion, I am heavily cautious. Sure, this guy seems all well and good but is he really? Will his past disrupt their possible future? Can she sustain both the sunshine and rain that a relationship can bring? I wanted her to be OK, I want her heart to be OK. But I began to understand that just like beauty, love doesn’t look the same for everyone. A relationship with God at the center has no choice but to succeed, no matter what direction it takes.

I also began to understand that sometimes that direction leads out. Her voice thick with tears and sorrow, a friend of mine lamented about her 19-year marriage:

“I don’t even want him anymore.”

She sounded so tired. Tired of bailing him out, legally and financially. Tired of the embarrassment. Tired of crying. Tired of hiding the strain from their children. She ultimately decided to legally separate and see what leads from there. I knew before that love alone isn’t enough to keep a marriage together but I see firsthand that dedication from both is mandatory.

I was ill last year. High levels of weariness and sadness. Low levels of confidence. My dreams were weak. My joy was depleted. My desires fluctuated between astronomical and minus zero. I was far from well. But, God has given me, like He does with all of us, a large dose of His life-saving medicine:

“My child, pay attention to what I say. Listen carefully to my words. Don’t lose sight of them. Let them penetrate deep into your heart, for they bring life to those who find them,and healing to their whole body.”  

-Proverbs 4:20-22 (NLT) 

Praise God that He’s blessed me with health and contentment. There’s nothing better than hearing God speak to you and keeping His impartations in your heart.

Ready for the rest of 2010 to be written.