Settle down

I had lunch with one of my sisters this past week. While munching on turkey and veggie sandwiches, we chatted about a little bit of everything. One of our conversation tidbits streamed into talk about relationships. While relaying information about a mutual friend’s pending marriage, a thought came to me. I said,


We all have our own time schedule. We want to do “this” or “that” by a certain time or certain age. As time draws closer for us to meet our ideal age of marriage, do you think that people start to settle?”

She unequivocally said, “Yes.”  


There is a definite sad truth in that statement. Settling or taking less than what you desire or deserve. I don’t mean opting for a man who’s 5’9 because there aren’t any 6’1 men around your neighborhood. But I mean dealing with a mean spirited woman because you feel you have no other option since your looks are gone. Trusting your heart with a unapologetic philanderer because you’re 29 and need to start having babies soon. Standing before God at the altar with an irresponsible and immature person because you want to be married and you need it to happen now


I definitely wonder about unions that spring out of such backgrounds.  Lately, I’ve been hooked on a show called “Prison Wives” on the Investigation Discovery channel. The show profiles women (and one man) who married convicted felons. Most of these women have never seen their husbands free and most never will since they are in jail for life, no parole. I admire their dedication to these men but I can’t help but imagine what sparked the relationship. Something I sense in all the stories is a lack of self-value. One woman, while recounting how she met her husband, said she had sent him a picture of herself, 

Because I was so beautiful then

 Another woman who had a slight physical deformity teared up while talking about her husband, saying, 

He was the only man I was with who didn’t care about that

I wonder did they feel that they were so unworthy of a well-rounded reciprocal relationship that they went behind prison walls? Did they decide to settle for a man that they will never be able to share a home with because it’s better than having no man at all? I wonder at what point in their life schedule did they decide it was time to settle.

There is such danger in that. You may end up missing the person who crosses every one of your “t’s”, the one that God has designated for you. And why?


All because you feel you “don’t” look or act or sound the right way?


All because you didn’t wait to wait another 3 years, another month, one more week?


 Why the race? 


The want for marriage is good and comes from God. But so does the when


Let’s trust God’s timing and believe that the beauty He’s marked us with is more than our eyes and any mirror can realize. 


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