Fearless

The younger me was such a scaredy cat. 


Dark rooms frightened me. The thought of monsters made me cringe with terror. Dozens of doll portraits my aunt had displayed in her house made my heart freeze with panic.

But, hands down, the biggest fear I had was the ice cream truck. 

While walking home from school, my sister and I would pass a gated parking lot that contained a white ice cream truck.  Emblazoned on the sides was a red-haired clown wearing a wide maniacal grin. The truck never seemed to move but would sit there, day after day, month after month.

The rumor was any kid who walked by the truck would get taken and never seen again. 

Bad things happened to these kids. 

Scary things. 

So, when approaching the lot, my heart would beat faster, my eyes would grow wider, and my legs would whip past, hoping to outpace the scary girl-and-boy hating clown inside the mysterious truck. 

I told my mother, hoping she would provide some type of protection 

But instead, she said, 

“You have nothing to worry about.”

I have nothing to worry about? Did this woman love me? Does she not know that there is a crazy creepy clown inside an ice cream truck? I’m going to get kidnapped the next time I walk by and she says don’t worry?

“There’s nothing to worry about,” she said without a hint of concern. “If there was something serious like that going on, it would be on the news.”

Drunk with disbelief, I stared at her from behind my strawberry milk colored glasses and concluded that she indeed did not love me. She was crazy. 

And she was right. 

The more I thought about her reasoning, the more it made sense, the more my fear slunk away. And though I never found out the story behind the abandoned ice cream truck, nothing ever happened. No child was abducted or maimed or hurt. 

It was an unfounded fear.

Being an adult, she knew more than me, and knew that nothing like that could have happened. 

Trusting her and her wisdom took away my alarm.

Most of our fears lie in our lack of control or lack of knowledge about the matter. Wonderful to know that trusting the intelligence and mastery of Jesus can leave us fearless. 
——–
Since God assured us, ‘I’ll never let you down, never walk off and leave you,’ we can boldly quote, ‘God is there, ready to help; I’m fearless no matter what. Who or what can get to me?'”
-Hebrews 13:5-6



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Trash

In most downtown cities, homeless people are a dime a dozen. Dirt streaked bag ladies limping past. Fuzzy bearded men clutching empty McDonald’s cups to catch a few flying quarters.  A person, man or woman, shrouded in a ratty blanket underneath a bus shelter. They can blend into the background of life, barely catching anyone’s eye. 


But this one did. 

One afternoon, I saw a man sifting through a garbage can. He was an older man, around 50. It was obvious he was looking for food. People breezed past him, often cutting a wide turn to avoid any contact with him. But for some reason, he touched a tender part of me. I went into a nearby store, bought some food from a hot bar, and walked over to him. 

“Sir,” I said softly. ” I have some food for you.”

He didn’t acknowledge me. I stood in front of him and repeated, “I have some food for you.

But he still didn’t respond. As I looked closer at his face, I saw that his eyes were glazed with intent, feverishly pawing through the trash. 

I stood for a few seconds longer but it became obvious that he didn’t want the food. Feeling slightly embarrassed, I walked away, leaving him to search for what I was already offering him. 

Months later, God replayed this memory to show me something astounding:

We do this to Godallthe time. 


We take trips to garbage dumps…

We munch on decayed fruit and rotten meat….

We fall asleep on crumbled newspapers and soiled sheets….

Why do we do that when God is giving away,giving away, so much more? 

When He wants to give you so much more than you realize?

More than pause


Ever feel like you’re spinning even when you’re standing still? 

I sat down on my couch and closed my eyes. I had finally reached the end of a long work day. My belly was full, my house was clean, and my forehead was cool. 

But my mind wasn’t. 

Prayer requests flashing red. 

Family issues buzzing like bumblebees. 

Unfocused purpose gliding sloppily around my heart. 

Names and cares of friends pounding on my memory. 

Unfulfilled desires tiptoe as they chant softly. 

Insecurities of every kind boom and clang intervallically.

Behind my shut eyelids is a merry-go-round, twirling at an unbelievable speed. 

It made me want to jump off. 

Shut the door. 

Click off the lights. 

Get away from this life for a bit. 

More than put my world on pause but put my world on 

Stop.

Erase.

Refresh.

—-
In the multitude of my anxieties within me,Your comforts delight my soul.”
-Psalm 94:19