Tied

Evelyn was quiet for a moment.


I could tell she was mentally digging into her past, brushing off old encounters. 

And I could see memories lining her eyes. 

I saw pain pad her cheeks.

And I felt the icy sick atmosphere of regret fill the room as she exhaled. 

“I’m telling you this because I’ve been there.”


Her voice wasn’t soaked with her normal sunshined wisdom. 

It was coated with solemn experience. 

“Sex is not as simple as people want to believe it is.” 


In her younger days, Evelyn was far from loose. With candied yam colored skin and wide soulful eyes, she had no trouble getting attached.

But when it came to men, she was understandably discriminating. She didn’t have dreams of cavalier casanovas or l’amour de la journée

She wanted longevity, permanence. 

Someone whose heart for God and His will would be identical to hers. 

So she dated. 

Entertained a select few here. 

Dined with a select few there. 

Yet none of them captivated her. 

Until he came. 

And she fell. 

Hard. 

His tenor timbre tickled and dripped down her fingertips. 

His rugged swagger warmed her belly. 

His company soothed her heart. 

His very being was like moonshine. 

Intoxicating her past the point where control was an option and concern was a choice. 

Her grip was lost.

And a willing spirit lay defeated. 

But all remained well until things went south. 

The man exited.

And Evelyn was single again…but not really. 

She explained, 

“Physical intimacy is not just physical. It took me years to get over him because I was literally still tied to him. I could feel him even if he was miles away. He could even feel when I was upset. 
That is why God didn’t design us to do this carefreely. It was created with a lifelong bond in mind. 
Spirits become wrapped together.
Yours with his. His with yours.”
My soul tied to another’s. A knot that can’t easily be undone. 


Another lesson that’s making me think. 
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Spoiler alert

When I was younger and would hear the story of how my parents met, I’d close my eyes and imagine myself watching how it all went down. 


I’d see my father walk into the department store, trying not to trip over his bellbottom pants. He picks out his Afro with the fist-handled pick and sticks his nametag on his shirt. As he heads to the cash register, he encounters a new employee, a cashier, on her first day of work. 

With a neat mini-fro and a dusky brown wrap dress, my mother introduces herself and flashes a shy smile. My father, the store manager, says hi and goes on about his way, noting to himself that the new girl has quite the pretty smile. 

I wondered what would happen if I went back in time, entered the store at that moment, and told them all that would happen. 

You two are going to fall in love!

You’re going to propose to her in 7 years! 

You’re going to have two children! 

There will be financial difficulties and in-law issues but you will be married for more than a quarter century!

I’m sure they’d look at me, look at each other, and deem me certifiable. 

But if  I told them how the story will go…

How it will progress…

How it will end…

If they knew all that, it might make things easier. 

Make nights more restful. 

Make days less stressful. 

Make their hearts more comfortable.

But…

If they knew all that, it would have messed up their faith walk. 

Such knowledge would have eliminated lessons that God wanted them learn. 

It would have ruined the story. 

There are days where I imagine my future daughter watching my story unfold. 

Is her father standing right before my eyes, and she’s screaming at me to recognize him?

Is she blurting out spoilers?

Is she reading lines written in the script before they are even said? 

She probably is. 

But I have to be glad I can’t hear her.

Trying to continue to trust Him.

BFF (Part 3)

“Tell me I’m wrong.”



Robin gripped the steering wheel as she spoke. Her lilac lidded eyes were narrowed as she focused on the road and awaited my answer. 


But I chewed on the lid of my coffee cup and kept silent.

“Come on. I’m waiting for you to tell me that I’m wrong for feeling this way. Tell me I’m wrong.” 

But I couldn’t tell her. Because she wasn’t. And,

“I would feel the exact same way.” 

Reassured in her feelings, Robin let out a sigh that sounded rough and weary.

We were on our way home from Lola’s birthday party. After months of planning, it had finally arrived. But it was anything but fun. 

Feet throbbing from standing for 6 hours in heels while serving food.
Fingers skinned from twisting plastic flowers.
Heads spinning from loud DJ music.
Wallets empty from expense… after expense…. after expense… after expense.
All while trying to keep a decade plus long friendship in tact.
It was sad to hear about Lola’s behavior. Robin had been venting to me about her rudeness throughout the party’s planning process.
Her unreasonableness.
Her ego.
Indeed, it was sad.
But not surprising.
In high school during a few brief moments, her mask cracked and through its crevices, I saw pieces of bad temper and egotism.

It was just a quick peek here or there. 

I saw it then. 

But Robin never did and thus was caught completely off guard.

It’s crazy how certain situations can shake the mask completely off and reveal what else is inside. 

And trigger new opinions about an old friend.

Wait

There are moments in my singleness where I start to wander and wonder…


About where he is and where He is…

About if I expect too much…

About what would happen if I throw caution/wisdom/knowledge/conviction out the window and settle for whatever I can get…


But after that, I always come to the same conclusion: 

It’s best to wait. 

Last weekend, a friend sent this poem to me. This woman says it so much better than I ever could. 
Not saying that I want someone who can spit Scripture at a moment’s notice (’cause I can’t). 

Not saying that I’m the epitome of Proverbs 31 (I can’t even sew).

But someone who understands that Christ doesn’t come off like a coat you can’t wear anymore? 

Someone who’s running the same race I am and towards the same finish line I’m trying to get to?

Yes, I’ll take that.

Thank You Lord for the Monday morning encouragement.