Josephine is staring down her 50th year of life and has never had a circle of gold wrapped around her left ring finger.
That fact bothers and saddens her.
As I tried to share words of encouragement, rancor crackled in her voice as she nearly cut me off.
“I’ve heard all that before,” she said. She quickly wiped away a tear before it could spill down her face.
“It used to help me. But I’m tired of waiting.”
Whenever I think of Christian women who are single, the train of thought always leads to biblical women who were childless.
Their stories of longing are abundant throughout the Bible and are rich with emotion.
And while the object of yearning is not the same, the intensity is.
Bitter envy, furious frustration, teary grief, and pure passion are seen in both wishes.
And the elongated duration of either condition, singleness or childlessness, can lead to pulling a Hagar.
Sarai, like Josephine, was tired of waiting.
The couple was well into their golden years; her husband, Abram, in his nineties and Sarai in her eighties.
God knew their desire and had promised Abram a son. But ten years had passed since then without the slightest hint of morning sickness.
So Sarai, anxious, impatient, and convinced of God’s forgetfulness, decided to fulfill the desire herself:
“Sarai, Abram’s wife, hadn’t yet produced a child. She had an Egyptian maid named Hagar. Sarai said to Abram, “God has not seen fit to let me have a child. Sleep with my maid. Maybe I can get a family from her.” (Genesis 16:1-2)
But Sarai didn’t get the family she wanted.
She got drama instead.
“When Hagar learned she was pregnant, she looked down on her mistress. Sarai told Abram, “It’s all your fault that I’m suffering this abuse. I put my maid in bed with you and the minute she knows she’s pregnant, she treats me like I’m nothing. May God decide which of us is right.” “You decide,” said Abram. “Your maid is your business.” Sarai was abusive to Hagar and Hagar ran away.” (Genesis 16:4-6)
Heavy yearning can blind eyes and invite trouble instead of turning it away.
I imagine that Sarai’s faith and hope had dwindled down to such a wisp that being a stepmother of sorts was better than being a mother of none.
But that arrangement was not arranged by God.
Sarai and Abram’s promised son eventually did arrive just the way God intended.
In the midnight moments, when the last drop of faith has evaporated, it’s tempting to pull a Hagar.
But it’s even wiser to wait for God.