BFF (Part 5)

Helium.

This must be what helium balloons feel like.

Swollen and high.

I was so high that I couldn’t lift my head without tumbling.

I was so swollen that my words couldn’t fit out of my mouth.

Yet with both of those severe handicaps, I was shocked when the nurse said,

“No, sweetie, you can’t take care of yourself today.”

I began to protest when Alison stopped me with one word.

“Nope.”

She placed a calming hand on my shoulder and said,

“Don’t worry.  I’m going to take care of you.”

And that she did.

Alison was my chauffeur who drove me to her home.

My doctor who picked up my prescribed medicine.

My personal shopper who dropped by the grocer for food.

My waitress/nurse who brought meals and doses bedside.

My bodyguard who shielded me from overzealous puppies.

My publicist who fielded all inquiring phone calls.

My maid who didn’t flinch at throwing out saliva and blood soaked cloth.

My commentator who kept me informed during reality T.V. viewing sessions.

My nightguard who made sure I fell asleep.

My friend.

My best friend.

I’m admittedly unused to being cared for.

I like and am usually on the other side of that gate.

But Alison reminded me that friendship is reciprocal.

With care and concern flowing in both directions.

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Always There

My knees felt chilly against the bathroom tile.

So I moved to the mat and bowed against the tub.

I don’t know why I retreated there of all places.

But I just needed to get away from that spot.

The spot where fear was.

I was scared.

Really scared.

So scared that I was on the verge of hyperventilating.

This had been happening a lot.

I’d be doing something when a thought would stroll into my head and stop me mid-motion.

I’d be wrapped in my cozy comforter, winding down for the night when an idea would creep in on all fours and jolt me upright.

I’d be lazily reading an article when a wrong potentiality, a negative chance flows into my head and am instantly bubbling with fear.

I didn’t recognize it for what it was until later.

An attack from a familiar enemy.

But then, in my bathroom, kneeling on my black and white tiled floor, all I knew was I needed Jesus to do something.

I began to pray.

Not eloquent formal sentences. 

But frantic stilted words.

“Help.”

“I’m scared.”

“I don’t want this.”

And immediately

Immediately

Freezing fear was replaced with peace.

Calm.

Pure… soft… soothing… quiet.

I felt like Jesus was cradling and swaying me in His arms.

My cries stopped and I laid there, comfortable and kinda stunned by the speed of His answer.

But then how could I be surprised when He has said on countless occasions,

“I will never leave you nor forsake you?”

Remembering His promises are always true and He is always there.

“This is My command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

-Joshua 1:9 (NLT)