Always There

My knees felt chilly against the bathroom tile.

So I moved to the mat and bowed against the tub.

I don’t know why I retreated there of all places.

But I just needed to get away from that spot.

The spot where fear was.

I was scared.

Really scared.

So scared that I was on the verge of hyperventilating.

This had been happening a lot.

I’d be doing something when a thought would stroll into my head and stop me mid-motion.

I’d be wrapped in my cozy comforter, winding down for the night when an idea would creep in on all fours and jolt me upright.

I’d be lazily reading an article when a wrong potentiality, a negative chance flows into my head and am instantly bubbling with fear.

I didn’t recognize it for what it was until later.

An attack from a familiar enemy.

But then, in my bathroom, kneeling on my black and white tiled floor, all I knew was I needed Jesus to do something.

I began to pray.

Not eloquent formal sentences. 

But frantic stilted words.

“Help.”

“I’m scared.”

“I don’t want this.”

And immediately

Immediately

Freezing fear was replaced with peace.

Calm.

Pure… soft… soothing… quiet.

I felt like Jesus was cradling and swaying me in His arms.

My cries stopped and I laid there, comfortable and kinda stunned by the speed of His answer.

But then how could I be surprised when He has said on countless occasions,

“I will never leave you nor forsake you?”

Remembering His promises are always true and He is always there.

“This is My command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

-Joshua 1:9 (NLT)

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